Is It True? Is It Kind? Is It Necessary?
Our mouths have a tendency to quickly and easily get us into trouble. The most
painful memories of wrongs I have committed have nearly all involved speech that
was hurtful, disrespectful or in some other way inappropriate for a person
seeking to please God. Even the strongest saints can still wrestle with the use
of the tongue, and mastery of it is a very uncertain, and often impermanent,
skill.
Recently a friend of mine shared some advice that his grandfather’s wife had
given him when he was a boy. She encouraged him to ask three questions before he
said anything about someone else. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Is It True?
This is a pivotal question for those concerned with honest and upright
communication. No truly spiritual person would ever desire to lie to or about
another person. But often we transgress with our tongues by saying more than can
be honestly said. We may pass along information (gossip) that we ought not to
have confidence in, or convey suspicions as if they were facts. Before I say
something that could be hurtful to a brother I need to ask myself whether I am
confident in the truth of what I have to say.
Is It Kind?
Children have a way of embarrassing adults with their brutal honesty. Most kids
know embarrassing things about their parents, and most parents live in fear of
these sensitive subjects suddenly being announced in Wal-Mart! Most children are
more honest than they are discreet. Sure the person ahead of us in line may have
a weight problem, but do we have to let them know that we know that? Sometimes
those of us who are older, and ought to know better, show little more tact than
a 2, 3 or 4 year old. We can say the most hurtful things to each other,
sometimes carelessly and without any intent to harm. Before we start running our
mouths we need to ask ourselves, “Is what I am about to say kind? Does it
reflect an attitude of love for the person I am speaking about?” Likewise, when
someone says something that is unkind to me, I need to give them the benefit of
the doubt, and remember that I have often inflicted verbal wounds
unintentionally.
Is It Necessary?
Not all that is true and kind is pleasant to say or hear. The value of speech is
not measured solely by how it makes the listener feel, but by the productive
purpose and content of what is spoken. Sometimes honesty and love will require
me to gently reprove my brother, or soberly correct him, or even sternly rebuke
him. I don’t take pleasure in causing the resultant pain, but I take comfort in
the fact that even painful words that are true and spoken in love can edify.
Paul wrote, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for
necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers…Let your speech
always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to
answer each one.” (Eph. 4:29; Co. 4:6) Is it true, is it kind and is it
necessary? These three simple questions will help keep sinful words unspoken,
without leaving words of truth and edification unsaid. -Joel
Ellis